I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
