I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
