You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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