and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
