Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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