Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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