The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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