Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
