Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
