I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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