I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
