Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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