he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
