i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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