So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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