Michael Bay diarrhea
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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