i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
