who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
