What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
