I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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