i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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