apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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