i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
