yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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