it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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