You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
