so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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