i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
