I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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