I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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