He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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