This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
