Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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