the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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