Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
