I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
