you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
