are you still at the devil's house?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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