he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
