I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
