Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
