Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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