Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
