I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
