I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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