next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
