if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
