You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
