The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
