Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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