please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
