3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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