I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
