I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
