I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
