When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
