Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
