I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
