What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
