There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
