My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
